Looking for an artist...

[Mike Knowles]

Kevin Quinn from Tabella Publishing has found my idea for a graphic novel, “very interesting.” However, before committing himself, he’d like to see a sample of the artwork. Unfortunately, although I did a graphics design course at art school, I got bored after a year and dropped out, (this was back in the 60’s when “dropping out” was fashionable). Since then I’ve concentrated on my modest talents as a scribe. So now I’m looking for an artist. If Tabella decide to publish, this would be a good opportunity for an artist who was just staring out. Anyone interested can email me at: [e-mail].

[The Emperor]

Sounds interesting, keep us updated on progress.

It might be helpful if you gave some broad idea of the story and what style of art you were looking for.

[Mike Knowles]

Good idea! That’s probably how you got to be an emperor, right? Okay, here’s a short synopsis. I wrote it originally as a book and the finished work runs to over 64,000 words. But then I decided it would make a good graphic novel. After all, most of my work has been for comics. As for artistic style? I’m pretty open – I’ll even consider Manga. How’s that? The lucky artist will be working with a writer who doesn’t bitch about the way the book will look. Well, at least not TOO much!

SYNOPSIS. A NASTY EXPERIENCE: THE TAPEWORM CHRONICLES

This hilarious but equally heartrending story could very well have been written by Kafka, were he still alive – which he isn’t. But that’s his fault, not ours. This is the story of a man poised on the very edge of stardom. The story of an up and coming comedian transported against his will billions of light years into another dimension to form an unworkable double act. It’s a story of betrayal by the Forces of Nature. A story that has everything but the kitchen sink...and that’s coming later.

After gaining a first class honors degree in law at Trinity College, Cambridge, 25-year old Justin Blakely discovers he has a gift for making people laugh. After topping the bill at the Footlights Review, Justine changes his name to Nasty. The tag suits his acerbic wit and sarcastic nature. Two years later, after delighting the critics at the Edinburgh Festival, Justin’s agent is approached by BBC2 who want to create a series around him. But Dame Fortune had other plans for Justin. A week before rehearsals begin Justin appears as a guest on the Paul O’Grady Show. That night, as he gets undressed, a wormhole in space appears in his bedroom and sucks him into a parallel universe.

Rendered momentarily unconscious, Justin wakes to find himself in a strange bed with another man. But this turns out to be the least of his problems. During the journey weird forces had been at work. Only 1% of Justine had been sucked into the wormhole, leaving the other 98% to carry on as normal here on our earth. The missing 1% contained Justine’s DNA along with that of a tapeworm in his gut, (the result of some dodgy pork). Acting like the transporter in Star Trek, the wormhole deposited the two DNA’s into a 24-year old wannabe comedian on Earth Two called Johnny Vulgar. And when Justine’s particles have been reformed he ends up as a one-eyed talking tapeworm surgically implanted between Vulgar’s buttocks. (The surgery in this case being performed by Mother Nature herself).

The fact that Justine didn’t emerge from Vulgar’s arsehole could be regarded as a stroke of luck. But one would be hard pressed indeed to see this in a positive light. Especially when he discovers that on this Earth humans, along with other creatures, defecate through their sexual organs. Clearly a parsimonious Mother Nature has decided that one organ is enough for all three functions and decided the penis and the vagina could function like a Swiss knife. Instead, the bonding process created a channel from Vulgar’s stomach to Justine thus enabling him to get his nourishment. Which brings to mind that expression: “He tore him a new asshole.”

Earth Two turns out to be like Earth One, but with some major and minor differences. Hounded by the Chrushtian religion who claim he’s the Son of Dog promised in the Holy Bubble, Justine tries to be a comedian. But here they tell jokes the wrong way round – with the punch line first. So he carves himself a career as a serious writer. Hence this book intended for the 98% of himself he left behind. The books will then be transported back to Earth One through an artificial wormhole, (called a Millihole on E2 after the physicist “Spike” Milligan who discovered them).

Notes
The character Justine Nasty is loosely based on Jimmy Carr and his equally reluctant partner is based on Johnny Vegas. It would be an added selling point if they actually resembled these people! I envisaged using black & white. However, the ethnic groups on this parallel earth have different skin tones. Africans are various shades of blue, Asians are green and Orientals are orange! It would look great if they were in colour.

As for the sample, I thought we could do a montage showing bits from the story. The bits I have in mind are these:

1. Justine Nasty before and after transportation through the wormhole.

2. Johnny Vulgar. Fashion is cyclical and on Earth Two the 1930/40’s style is currently all the rage. So I envisage Vulgar dressed like Max Miller.

3. A picture of the huge monument outside Gt. Ormond Street Hospital showing what looks likes a giant brass nutcracker. The inscription reveals it to be the famous “Little Milker” invented by Brunel. This device, used by the male, was a highly successful fertility aid.

4. Earth Two’s Stephen Hawking in tracksuit as he jogs down the street.

5. A CAT scan showing how Justine is attached to his host’s innards which is via a tube leading to Vulgar’s stomach.

6. Although it may, by the more delicate, be regarded in bad taste, I think we should show a medical diagram of Earth Two’s version of the male organ. In this universe evolution had trod a slightly different path. Defecation is by peristalsis through the sexual organ. Needless to say, creatures of Earth Two do not possess a third eye. (A word of advice: try not to think about this at mealtimes. I’ve found it tends to jade the appetite.)

7. A picture of the TAPRO unit. The building, which is two stories high, is attached to Manchester University Institute of Science and Technology. It was built during the 60’s.

8. Exterior and interior shots of Nasty and Vulgar’s luxury apartment on the second floor of the TAPRO unit. Swimming pool and garden on the roof. For the interior think Habitat.

9. The Queen and Prince Philip in their private shooting range. We see them practicing with semi-automatic pistols.

10. George Bush delivering a karate blow to Saddam Hussein as Tony Blair looks on.

11. A picture of the Turin Slab. This is a large flat rock bearing a Turin Shroud-type impression of Jesus Crushed.

12. A book resembling the Bible but called, The Holy Bubble.

13. A medieval rendition of Neptune in his underwater kingdom.

14. A female Pope addressing Roaming Cathartic pilgrims in St Paul’s Square at Easter. She’s using a large megaphone.

I reckon that should be enough.

[Bruce Brown]

Hey Mike,

Good luck! If you don't get any nibbles here, try several other forums art sections. Just say you want to work up a pitch for an interested party. If you can find an artist who will pencil, ink and color even better! Good luck!

[The Emperor]

Great thanks for that, I'm sure it should help.

You could try the 2000AD forum as there a number of up and coming artists there currently producing some top quality small press work. If it is a paying gig then try the Classified forum if not then the small press, small ads is the ideal place. Have a nose around the Creative Commons forum as there is more information there, I think I've added more links in the general writer's discussion on finding artists - nosing round DeviantArt (or posting on their forum) and Digital Webbing have a couple of classified ads sections for paying/non-paying offers.

"That’s probably how you got to be an emperor, right?"

Some are spawned to Imperial Greatness and some find it is a Christmas cracker ;)

[Mike Knowles]

So where does one get these Christmas crackers? Anyway, thanks once again. I'll give those suggestions a try. I'd really like to get this project going so I can get back to playing games on my other computer. Initially it's not a paying gig. If the book is published then we each get 5% of the royalties, (unless I can get the artist to put my name on his work. It's worth a try). Anyway, I'll keep you posted on my progress - or lack of it! Whatever may be the case.

[Patrick Walsh]

http://pjwalsh-illustration.deviantart.com/